Has your ex done you wrong?
It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, and people can be nasty as they cut ties. Maybe a breakup from a few years ago still stings, or perhaps you were one of the unlucky individuals who had their hearts crushed just moments before Valentine’s Day. Either way, all’s fair in love and war, and nothing says “I’m over you” quite like plotting an elaborate revenge scheme against your ex.
Plus, there’s good news: As the most romantic holiday of the year fast approaches, wildlife everywhere is here to help in your quest to get even. Here are some of the weirdest ways animals can be the Robin to your Batman this V-day as you right all the wrongs from your dating history.
Name a cockroach
It is a universally acknowledged fact that cockroaches are the most disgusting creatures on Earth. Their antennae alone make them creepy crawlers, and that crunch they make — *shudders.*
Well, for only $15, the Bronx Zoo will name a Madagascar hissing cockroach after whomever you like and email you a certificate on Feb. 13 as proof. Your ex’s legacy can be a cockroach named Jake, because why not?
But what’s that I hear? That’s not far enough? Don’t worry, there are more cockroaches ahead.
Kill a cockroach
Maybe you’re just not all that grossed out by cockroaches. Or maybe you want your ex to squirm in the fourth circle of hell for a little while, and a simple name game isn’t enough to quench your rage.
Either way, the El Paso Zoo has got you. For a few days in February, all you had to do was message your ex’s name to the zoo, and they would name a cockroach after that awful excuse for a human being. Now, they’re about to start posting names of exes on social media (first name and last initial) leading up to the big primetime moment.
At 2:15 p.m. on Valentine’s Day, the zoo will live stream meerkats eating said cockroaches on Facebook Live and its meerkat webcam. Additional feedings to other animals are forthcoming. If you didn’t get your entry in on time, at least you’ll be able to bask in the glory of someone else’s sweet, sweet revenge as you watch “Jim” get taken down by a member of the mongoose family.
Name a snake after your ex
So admittedly, snakes are kind of cool. But they’re also creepy. There’s a reason so many Disney villains seem to be surrounded by snakes all the time.
And this Valentine’s, the Wild Life Sydney Zoo in Sydney, Australia, is giving one (un)lucky lover the chance to name a venomous brown snake after their ex.
The entry process includes a 25-word summary of why your ex deserves such a fate, as well as a $1 donation to the Wild Life Conservation Fund.