Study reveals women are 3x less likely to successfully negotiate a raise

Working women are constantly told to work hard, “lean in,” and get the job done if they want to be recognized for their skills and be compensated fairly for their work but ask any professional woman and she’ll be the first to admit: it’s rarely as easy as “leaning in” and getting to work.

In fact, according to a study published in the Journal of Applied Psychology, women who negotiate aggressively may wind up getting the opposite of what they’re after—largely due to the antiquated ideas of “appropriate” gender roles and behavior.

“Ideally, it should be the case that if you ask for what you want and you’re more assertive in what you’re asking for, then you should get that,” Harvard Business School Assistant Professor and Co-Author Julian Zlatev explained.

“But the reality of the situation, and our data sort of speaks to that, is that there are these negative repercussions that can happen if you end up doing that.”

Understand that “no” isn’t the end of the world

But that’s not to say that the raise you want is out of the question—in fact, with a little preparation, you’ll be well on your way to negotiating the raise you deserve just as much, or more, than your male colleagues.

In order to help get you started on the right foot, we spoke to a handful of female career coaches and therapists in our network to get their best insights on how to properly prepare to negotiate your worth without the negative repercussions.

According to Certified Coach Lindsey Lathrop, the first step is to understand that getting a “no” is not the end of the world. In fact, it’s great—and part of the process.

“Getting a ‘no’ means you went for it (go you!) and you have way more data than you had before,” explains Lathrop. “And a ‘no’ in negotiation can also mean ‘not yet’ or ‘not this’—meaning there may still be ways to negotiate.”

There’s always something to negotiate

“There’s always something to negotiate, even if their budget is set,” explains Lathrop. “Determine what your ‘non-negotiables’ are for the offer and what could sweeten the deal for you.”

According to Lathrop, if there’s no flexibility in the budget, what else has value to you? A paid professional development experience? More paid time off? Access to a certain network? 

Being able to take time off at a specific time of the year? Having these “add ons” prepped and ready to go will help make the experience more positive—no matter the outcome.

It’s okay to ask about salary expectations

“People are way more open to talking salaries and rates these days. It’s okay to ask during an informational interview what the expected range at a company may be,” explains Lathrop.

“Speaking directly to folks who already work at the organization will give you the most accurate expectations, since online research can often leave us with subpar results in salary benchmarking.”

Start to build your professional brand

The step that comes before negotiating is self-promotion and building your professional branding—within your organization and your industry. The more you’re known outside your company, the more value you will be perceived to have inside your company.

Lathrop suggests establishing a visibility habit. How can you make sure your “career decision makers” (aka recruiters, your network, manager, and team) know what you’ve been contributing? What difference would it make to bake in 1-2 hours a week to focus solely on your career marketing?

Explain why you need a higher salary

Branka Vuleta, Founder of LegalJobs.io suggests finding a legitimate reason why you’re negotiating a salary, and make sure it’s a reason that’s valid both for you and the employer.

“For instance, you can give an estimate of your results, present how the company benefits from it and make it logical they should pay you more,” she says.

Highlight you care for the organization

Managers love when their employees show how invested they are in the organization. That said, make sure your reasons align with the company’s interest.

“Stating that the salary you expect will give you enough motivation to complete the job and that the best results are achieved when employees are happy.”

Prep for the conversation by connecting to your power beforehand

Is there a hobby or activity you enjoy that leaves you feeling strong and connected to your true self?

“Common strengthening activities include working out, listening to music, making art, and talking to supportive friends,” explains Dani Dierking LAT, LPC, ATR, Licensed Professional Counselor.

“Try to wedge that into your schedule before advocating for a raise.”

Don’t shy away from affirmations

Is there a quote or song lyric that you return back to for empowerment? Dierking suggests finding a private space and repeating it out loud in a firm, loud voice.

“Allow your body to move into a strong posture such as standing tall and holding your fists in the air. It may feel awkward, but you can trick your brain into confidence with this simple trick,” she says.

Consider negotiating over email

Are you aware of your emotional investment in the process and outcome? Does it stress you out when you are put on the spot by a recruiter or hiring manager? 

According to Stephanie Frieboth, PHR, SHRM-CP, sHRBP, MBA, Coach and Founder at My Empowered Career, a simple, yet extremely effective tactic to keep your cool is to negotiate via email.

“This will give you space to think and create a rational counter offer that meets your needs and desires.  If you receive an offer over the phone, express your excitement for the opportunity and ask that they send the offer via email for you to review,” she explains.