How to relieve stress, according to a neuropsychologist and a psychologist

Stress is a part of our daily lives, but it can begin to take over our mental and physical health.

To figure out how to beat stress, we interviewed two experts in mental health, peak performance, and psychology: New York City-based neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez, director of Comprehend the Mind and Haley Perlus, an author and sports psychologist.

Are there ways to avoid or reduce stress right now?

“It’s important to note that stress is a natural part of life and is part of being human,” Hafeez said. “Sometimes, it can help motivate you to get something done. Other times, it can take a toll on your mental and physical health. In other words, stress is a normal human reaction and key for survival, but too much stress can be detrimental.”

Her strategy to help provide stress relief? The 4 As: avoid, alter, adapt, and accept. Here’s how it works.

Avoid

Living in complete isolation from stressful events is not possible, but you do have some control over the events or social commitments that you make. If you know that something will cause you stress and it’s optional, then consider declining the invite.

“Avoiding stress includes taking control of your surroundings, whether that is leaving an area that is causing stress or planning ahead to avoid situations that aggravate or stress you out,” Hafeez said.

Alter

If there’s a way for you to make a situation less stressful, ask. It can be difficult to ask for help, especially at work, and especially if you’re an overachiever. But if you have a great boss and you’re feeling too much stress, then you can feel comfortable speaking up.

“If your boss assigned a deadline that is causing distress, try openly and honestly communicating with them to explain how you feel to try and find a solution,” Hafeez said.

Adapt

Psychologically speaking, this is where you can put your brainpower to good use. Adapting has to do with your mindset, not your physical surroundings. You have the power to adapt your expectations, viewpoints, or standards to lower stress levels.

“Reframing an issue and looking at the positives rather than focusing on the negatives can be helpful and make you happier,” Hafeez said. “Noticing negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones can also reduce stress.”

Accept

Acceptance is not easy, but it’s a powerful practice.

“Accepting negative feelings and talking about them can strengthen you mentally and physically,” Hafeez said.

Moving beyond situations, you can also practice acceptance in your relationships.

“You may also be experiencing stress because you are angry with someone,” Hafeez said. “Practicing forgiveness and learning to release negative emotions can release pressure and allow you to move forward.”

Additional ways to reduce or avoid stress

Apart from the psychological tips above, there are also things you can do in your daily life to reduce stress. Both Hafeez and Perlus recommend:

• Avoiding alcohol and drugs, which can add to your burden of stress
• Engaging in regular exercise
• Getting enough sleep
• Eating a well-balanced diet
• Seeking out the support of friends, family, or therapists
• Giving back to others

“Giving back makes us feel good and like we are making a difference,” Hafeez said. “These feelings can impact our physiological state which can lower blood pressure and channel our energy in positive ways.”

Exercise and diet play a pivotal role in not only reducing stress but also in prepping our bodies so that, when we’re in the thick of it, we can better handle stress.

“Exercise increases levels of endorphins as well as other feel-good hormones and is a natural stress reliever,” Perlus said. “Sleep is also a stress reducer, as it restores and calms the body, regulates mood, and improves decision making. Eating a healthy diet can also counter stress by lowering blood pressure and supporting the immune system.”

You can learn from peak athletic performers, like Olympians.

“Athletes develop a pre-performance routine to help set them up for success,” Perlus said.

You can create a similar routine to prepare for any stressors in your life.

“Self-talk, music, affirmations, physical actions (e.g., taking your shoulders up, back, and down) can all create positive energy, resiliency, and a ‘bring it on’ attitude!” according to Perlus.

What are the long-term effects of unchecked stress?

Leaving your stress levels unaddressed for too long can leave a permanent mark on you.

“Long-term stress increases the risk for mental health problems such as depression, burnout, anxiety, sleep problems, and substance use disorders,” Hafeez said.

In addition to mental health, stress can wreak havoc on your physical and brain health.

“[There are potential physical effects] including killing brain cells, reducing the brain’s size, and shrinking the prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that is in charge of learning and memory),” Hafeez said. “This can lead to long-term brain damage as well as memory impairment. … A sore jaw, tooth pain, weight gain or loss, headaches, high blood pressure, severe cramping, shifts in menstrual cycle, and digestive issues are all ways stress can manifest in the body.”

How can busy Type A professionals beat stress?

For go-getters, high achievers, and Type A personalities, stress can manifest as a fear of failure. The tendency to strive for perfection can actually make your stress skyrocket to unmanageable territory. And while that may have had a hand in getting you to your current position, you need to set some boundaries in order to prevent career burnout.

First, you need to write down what is and what is not in your control.

Hafeez suggested writing down “what you are responsible for, and what you are not responsible for, to not burn out or overstretch yourself.”

Overachievers also need to constantly remind themselves that mistakes are not fatal. Instead, they are opportunities to learn.

Finally, Hafeez recommended setting smart goals in your career. The next time you sit down to plan for the quarter or to write down your goals, make things reasonable and achievable.

“This will make you feel much less stressed and will make you confident in your ability to reach your goals when they are challenging in a healthy way,” Hafeez said.

What can working parents do to reduce stress?

For professionals who have been balancing work from home, home-schooling, childcare, and career stressors, finding time for self-care can seem impossible. Perlus offers practical, bite-sized advice for the overworked parents.

“If you have very little time for yourself, even taking five minutes to decompress can help relax your mind and body,” she said. “Try to go into a room by yourself for five minutes, do not look at your phone, take a few deep breaths, and stretch.”

The hurdle many people face is the guilt associated with taking time for yourself when the kids are at home. But it’s necessary for parents to take time to recharge and destress, whether it’s five minutes alone or a coveted child-free Saturday to yourself.

“Saying no temporarily to others is saying yes to yourself,” she said. “Then, once you’ve taken some time to renew your energy and feel more positive, you’ll be able to be the best person for everyone in your life. They’ll reap the benefits just as much as you!”

In peak stress scenarios, how can you beat stress?

When you have too much on your plate or a work crisis arises, Perlus recommended setting clearly defined goals. But in the case of acute stress, it’s key that you are very honest about what must be done today. So often, people put too much on today’s to-do list, only to stress themselves out further and not allow for the unexpected to arise and take up time.

“Clearly defined goals help you identify what needs to be done and what can wait until tomorrow,” Perlus said. “If you are having a stressful day, learn to say no and delegate a few tasks to someone else. It is OK to say no; it means you know your value, and it helps you prioritize things that matter.”

Of course, sometimes the unthinkable happens, and you’ll be faced with the ultimate stress in the form of a family tragedy.

“If you are dealing with a tragedy, seek counseling to learn stress management, relaxation skills, and coping strategies,” Perlus said. “Also, remember that there is no right way to feel, and don’t beat yourself up for feeling a certain way.”

Turning to the experts and your social support network is important when the stress in your life is extreme. But so is finding your rhythm again.

“Reestablishing a routine can help reduce stress after trauma, because a regular routine helps minimize anxiety,” Perlus said. “Structure provides comfort and gives you a sense of control, and also helps improve your focus and productivity.”