Why it’s better to be rejected than to be ignored

“I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want me.” — Oprah Winfrey

Rejection is often described as the ‘dismissal’ of a proposal or an idea.

The fear of being rejected is more personal: you become the object of that rejection.

What if you could overcome the fear of being rejected? And embrace it as a necessary path to achieve what you want the most in life.

Many people struggle with rejection. When they can’t deal with it, the fear gets worse and worse. You feel you are a failure; rather than simply understanding that your idea was rejected. Not you.

There’s something much worse than being rejected: to be ignored.

Suffering Doesn’t Help You

“Whatever is ill, it’s still alive.” — Gustavo Cerati

Fear creates more fear.

There’s a direct link between how you feel about yourself and what others think about you.

The fear of rejection will hurt you now. And it will get worse and worse in the long run.

Evolutionary scientists discovered that, when we experience rejection, we activate the same areas of our brain as when we experience physical pain.

It’s no surprise that even small rejections hurt much more than they should. They trigger real emotional pain.

Get rid of the fear, embrace the challenge of being rejected. Not every door will open for you. However, if you get stuck knocking and knocking the wrong one, you will waste your energy when the right door opens.

When you start being grateful for who you are and what you have, you will discover the opportunities in your life.

We are all looking to do something great in our lives. Being paralyzed by rejection won’t do you any good.

Stand Up for Something

“If we don’t stand for something, we’ll fall for anything.” — Irene Dunne

Being ignored has the same effect in our brain as being rejected, according to science. However, its cause is something that you should worry about.

Oscar Wilde said: “There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
Pleasing everyone is impossible. It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to stand for something and, at the same time, try to please everyone or do everything. That’s why most people get ignored.

Wearing masks to please others hides who you are — people ignore those who are not authentic.

It’s better to stand for something and be rejected, than pretending to stand for everything and be ignored.

You have to make tough choices. What you say no to defines who you are, as I wrote here. Saying yes is easy — that’s why people fall into the trap of pleasing everyone.

If you stand up for something, people will take you seriously. Politicians, companies and unscrupulous people have turned the word ‘yes’ into a joke. That’s why others will believe you when you say ‘no.’

Stand for something and people will stop ignoring you

Stop Looking for Approval

“When you’re following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first.” — Kelly Cutrone

Looking for acceptance is comforting.

We all like to be appreciated and approved by others. However, that comfort will make you feel good but won’t help you succeed.

The only approval you must look for is your own.

Stop judging yourself. Overthinking silences the voice of your passion. Let go of self-doubt by learning to trust your gut.

Cognitive psychologist Gary Klein, author of “The Power of Intuition,” says: “Without our intuitions, we’d be paralyzed.”
We were trained to think that emotions cloud our judgment, but it’s the other way around. Your intuition helps you translate your experiences into understanding and actions.

Stop listening to the voice of self-doubt, don’t pay attention to your critical logical brain.

Start Learning from Being Rejected

“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being.” — Steve Maraboli

Pause. Your success depends on it. Reflect. Why does rejection hurts? What do you fear? Remember. How did you overcome rejections in the past?

Understanding drives you into action. Put your feelings aside.

Your ability to learn from why you felt will help walk with more confidence once you are back on your feet.

Rejection — just like mistakes — are critical lessons in disguise. They are a necessary element to adjust your behaviors in life.

Are you knocking on the right door? Are you wasting time pursuing the wrong opportunities? What can you do better next time?

Rejection doesn’t equal failure. Not learning from it is a colossal defeat.

Stop Avoiding Being Rejected: Embrace It

“Stand up for what is right even if you’re standing alone.” — Suzy Kassem

Becoming a victim of self-pity is easy.

You feel rejected. You become a victim of other people’s refusal.

But, for each rejection you can overcome, your game will become stronger.

Embrace being rejected, not the rejection.

Yoda said: “Do or do not, there is no try.”
Success requires that you fully commit to what you do. Giving it a try is not enough. You have to go fully into it.

How bad do you really want what you want?

Ernest Hemingway wrote every day. He believed that the first draft of everything was shit. That’s why the writer committed to tracking his daily writing progress. He built a method to overcome self-rejection.

Let your passion be your fuel.

Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as a reporter because she was considered unfit for TV. She realized she didn’t want to work with anyone who didn’t want her. That insight inspired her to launch her own program.

Rejection is a stop, not the final destination.

Stephen King’s first book was rejected by not ten but thirty publishers. He embraced rejection as no one has done before. “Carrie” not only became a huge success, but its movie version was a smash too. King is one of the top 20 most successful writers with over 50 books under his belt.

Share your best ideas and self.

You’ll end finding those who really want you.

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This article first appeared in Medium