If you can do this with a coworker, you will sleep better at night

The old saying “never go to bed angry” just got some compelling scientific evidence to back up its claims. A new study just released by Oregon State University reports people who can resolve their arguments or disagreements before calling it a day and heading to bed experience far less emotional stress in the days following the confrontation. 

Lower stress levels, of course, promote robust health across a variety of areas. So, researchers say it all comes down to letting go of stressful interactions, discussions, and arguments. It’s stressful enough in the moment, but spending the next 36 hours ruminating on a short encounter with a loved one or co-worker is only going to intensify that stress.

“Everyone experiences stress in their daily lives. You aren’t going to stop stressful things from happening. But the extent to which you can tie them off, bring them to an end and resolve them is definitely going to pay dividends in terms of your well-being,” says senior study author Robert Stawski, an associate professor in the College of Public Health and Human Sciences. “Resolving your arguments is quite important for maintaining well-being in daily life.”

When most people consider the “chronic stressors” in their life, obstacles like bill payments or work obligations are usually the first problems that come to mind. And, on that note, tons of research supports the idea that if you’re perpetually stressed out about your job or how you’re going to pay next month’s rent, it’s going to extract a toll on your physical health (heart disease, stomach issues, weakened immune system).

This new research shows that chronic stress doesn’t necessarily only come from the big problems in life. If an individual is going to bed annoyed each night after an argument with their significant other, all that frustration will bleed into the following morning. Eventually, this constant inability to resolve or “put to bed” daily disagreements and stressors will lead to chronic stress 24/7.

“Daily stressors — specifically the minor, small inconveniences that we have throughout the day — even those have lasting impacts on mortality and things like inflammation and cognitive function,” explains lead study author Dakota Witzel, a doctoral student in human development and family studies at OSU.

To research this topic, the study authors analyzed data originally collected for the National Study of Daily Experiences. That project consisted of over 2,000 interviewees talking about their daily feelings and experiences for eight days straight. Specifically, the research team looked out for reported instances of arguments and avoided arguments. An “avoided argument” was whenever a respondent said they could have argued about something but chose to let it go instead.

Then, the study authors looked to see how each of these arguments (or avoided arguments) impacted individuals’ negative and positive emotions the day of and the day after the situation. The emotional impact of an experience the day of was called “reactivity” and the emotional toll of arguments the next day was referred to as “residue.”

Researchers report that if the participant felt the encounter had been resolved on the day of the argument, they generally experienced only half of the emotional reactivity in comparison to those who felt their disagreements were left unresolved. 

Resolving an argument was even more beneficial for emotional toll/stress levels the next day. Those who indicated that their argument had been resolved the day prior dealt with no negative emotions linked to the encounter the following day.

It’s also worth mentioning that older adults (ages 68+) tend to a better job of resolving their disputes the day of. Meanwhile, adults younger than 45 years old usually report more unresolved disagreements. The research team says there are several possible explanations for this observation. For example, people generally mellow out a bit as they grow older, or perhaps older people are just more experienced at conflict resolution.

“If older adults are really motivated to maximize their emotional well-being, they’re going to do a better job, or at least a faster job, at resolving stressors in a more timely fashion,” Stawski adds.

In the heat of an argument or emotional exchange, resolution can feel impossible. In many instances, removing oneself from the situation for a few minutes is all it takes to provide a fresh perspective. Suddenly, everything that seemed so important five minutes ago isn’t such a big deal. 

“Some people are more reactive than other people,” he said. “But the extent to which you can tie off the stress so it’s not having this gnawing impact at you over the course of the day or a few days will help minimize the potential long-term impact,” Stawski concludes.

The full study can be found here, published in Journals of Gerontology Series B.