Alchemists, princesses, sherpas, and other ridiculous titles in tech

It’s already annoying enough to scroll through job-search boards and find an increasing number of misleading, jargony listings for ninjas, rock stars, and wizards across a variety of industries.

But in the world of tech, job titles can reach new heights of the truly absurd. CB Insights made a list of the 25 most ridiculous titles in technology; here are a few of the most over-the-top job descriptions to ever grace a business card.

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Alchemists. Alchemy means changing something in a mysterious or inexplicable way – a hard thing to explain to your boss. Quickstep has employed a “dream alchemist,” a specific position within the company which CB Insights says other companies might call a creative director or head of marketing. Other companies that have alchemists are Critical TechWork (UX design alchemist), Together Abroad (product and solutions development alchemist), and USALLIANCE (innovation alchemist).

Security Princess. When coder Parisa Tabriz joined Google in 2015, she thought “information security engineer” sounded boring, and decided to re-title herself. “‘Security princess’ felt suitably whimsical,” she said, adding that it was a better title for handing out business cards with. Today, according to CB Insights, she’s moved up to senior engineering director at Google and is responsible for the Chrome browser – but she prefers to go by the much catchier title of “browser boss.”

Galactic Viceroy of Research Excellence. This is the title of a Microsoft researcher with a sense of humor named James Mickens.  “Although Mickens is known for his vibrant personality, much of his current research focuses on the matter-of-fact goal of improving the quality of Web applications,” said a profile about him on Microsoft’s Story Labs website. “He’s doing other cloud-related research that he can’t yet discuss in detail but says, ‘Most of my research is based on solving problems that I learn about from personal experience and from talking with everyday people such as the guy who gets stuck next to me on a flight.'”

Chief Heart Officer. The second-most important position at VaynerMedia, Claude Silver is Gary Vaynerchuk’s “right-hand woman,” Forbes explains. “The chief heart officer is in touch with the heartbeat of every single person; over 750 people across five offices.” What does that actually mean? She’s the HR manager, basically. “It’s really the branding of HR and how we’ve chosen to rebrand, but it just makes so much sense; it’s people; its heart,” Silver has said.

Innovation sherpa. A title that began at Microsoft, according to CB Insights, today it is a vague catchall phrase used by tech freelancers. (No mountain-climbing required).

Here are the rest of the ridiculous titles:

  • Innovation Evangelist
  • Dream Alchemist
  • Weekend Happiness Concierge
  • Happiness Engineer
  • SVG Badass
  • Time Ninja
  • Innovation Alchemist
  • Retail Jedi
  • Software Ninjaneer
  • Tax Wrangler
  • Remote Funnel Marketing Ninja
  • Content Hero
  • Meme Librarian
  • Conversion Optimization Wrangler
  • Digital Prophet
  • Brand Warrior
  • Wizard of Light Bulb Moments
  • Direct-Mail Demigod
  • Full Stack Magician
  • Humbly Confident Product Designer

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