Here are six things to do when someone is jealous of you at work:
1. Allow him his feelings
It’s his journey not yours. It is not your job to change his feelings. It is your job to get along with him in a productive manner.
2. Be true to yourself and a servant leader to all, including her
Treat her as you would anyone else. Don’t vary your behavior because she does. You will, of course, be more cautious but never difficult. Don’t lie down in the mud with people who like it there. Don’t lose your executive presence.
3. Schedule a meeting with him and ask him directly if he has an issue with you or your work
Tell him that you would like to have a better working relationship with him and want to know what that would look like.
4. Ask questions to understand what she fears
Being less than? Being unnoticed? Not advancing? “I noticed that you reacted negatively to my suggestion. Please tell me what is at the root of your objection. I want to understand.” Then listen for the inference. You can’t control her thought process. But, this intel on her fears will help you position what you can control – YOUR behavior. Aim at putting her fears to rest so that you can work productively with her. She may never grow to like you. She will likely learn to respect you.
5. Counter his fears
Sincerely validate his positive qualities to ease his angst. “I notice how you. … Great work.” “You really stood out on that.” “That really makes a difference for the company.” “I’d like to include you on this because I want to meet your goals of (X).”
6. If you know she is undermining you ask her how her behavior aligns with the company value or (Y)?
Make the discussion between you and the values document – not between you and her. It isn’t personal. Then if she continues to be difficult, ask her next time to have the character (reference the company value) to say what she says behind your back to your face first.
Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE is an executive coach and 18-year corporate CEO who helps leaders have more effective careers, happier lives and better relationships. Get her FREE Career and Life Planning Tool to be more effective, the leader everyone wants to work for and have a better connection with the people who matter while it still matters. If you don’t know where you will be at the end of 2018, you are already there.