Whether your parents were your best friends or you barely knew them, your relationship with Mom and Dad had an impact on who you are today.
At least that’s what Sigmund Freud said when he theorized that our adult personality develops from early childhood experiences, an insight empirically tested by attachment theory and developmental psychology through the 20th century up until today.
Although there is no set formula for raising a successful child, in a recent essay for CNBC Make It, Maye Musk, the mother of the CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk, said she found the key to raising kids is exposing them to hard work and encouraging their interests.
“People often ask me how I raised such successful kids. I tell them I did it by teaching them about hard work and letting them follow their interests,” Musk wrote.
Countless studies and extensive clinical research has found links between your parents’ behavior during childhood and how you act as an adult. If your mother was constantly juggling multiple jobs, you are likely to suffer from stress. If your parents set high expectations for you, you were more likely to perform better in school.
Here are 10 ways your parents’ behavior impacted who you are.
If your parents made you do chores, you likely take on tasks independently
If your parents constantly berated you for not making your bed, they were actually doing you a favor.
Children who grow up doing chores take on more responsibility at work instead of waiting for tasks to get assigned to them, according to Julie Lythcott-Haims, former Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University and author of “How to Raise an Adult.” They also better collaborate with their coworkers and can better empathize with others.
Doing your chores as a kid can even lead to being more happy down the road, a Harvard grant study that followed people for over 75 years found.
“By making them do chores — taking out the garbage, doing their own laundry — they realize, ‘I have to do the work of life in order to be part of life,'” Lythcott-Haims previously told Business Insider. “It’s not just about me and what I need in this moment, but that I’m part of an ecosystem. I’m part of a family. I’m part of a workplace.”
If your parents taught you social skills, you’re were more likely to get a college degree and a high-paying job
A study tracking more than 700 American children over 20 years found that when parents taught their young kids social skills, like how to be helpful or cooperative with their peers, they were more likely to earn a college degree and have a full-time job by 25.
Those without social skills were more likely to drink and get arrested.
If your parents told you white lies, it may have led to you to have issues trusting others in adulthood.
Parents who lied to children to prevent them from getting hurt or needing to have difficult conversations may have done more harm than good.
“Parents can inadvertently sabotage their relationship with their kids through telling white lies meant to protect their kids from the realities of life that may be scary,” psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman told INSIDER. “When kids find out the truth, they may feel [like they] can’t trust their parents to keep them safe.”
If your parents spoke negatively about their body, you are more likely to have low self-confidence.
Even if parents encourage body positivity in their kids, making negative comments about their own appearance still leads to bad self-confidence.
Constantly hearing your parents call someone fat or make comments about other people sends signals to children about which bodies are better than others, psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson told INSIDER.
If your parents set high expectations for you, you probably did better in school.
A 2015 study found children whose parents expected them to go to college performed better on tests than parents with low expectations. The trend occurred among both wealthy and low-income families.
If your mom went to high school or college, you were more likely to do the same.
Children born to teen moms who did not finish high school were less likely to finish high school or go to college, according to a 2014 study led by University of Michigan psychologist Sandra Tang.
If your mom was constantly stressed, you were more likely to be worse at math.
The amount of time parents spend with their children when they are between 3 and 11 years old has little impact on their academic and emotional well-being as adults — but the mental state of parents (especially mothers) has a significant effect.
A 2015 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found when mothers are stressed, sleep-deprived, or anxious, it can lead to behavioral and emotional problems, as well as lower math test scores.
“Just don’t worry so much about time,” report author Melissa Milkie told the Washington Post on advice she would give mothers.
If you’re a girl and your mom worked outside the house, you are more likely to earn more money than other women.
A study out of Harvard Business School found daughters of working moms in the US earn 23% more than girls raised by stay-at-home moms. They also complete more years of college and work in more management roles than other girls.
“It’s not that it’s right or wrong for women to work,” the study’s lead author, Harvard Business School professor Kathleen L. McGinn, previously told Business Insider. “It’s that there’s a set of options that seem fully available.”
If your mom was loving and attentive when you were a baby, you were more likely to do better in school.
When parents foster loving environments around the time children are as young as three, those kids grow up to score better on exams, according to a 2017 paper in the US National Library of Medicine.
If your parents taught you to verbalize your feelings, you are less likely to get divorced.
Rebecca Bergen, a licensed clinical psychologist, told MyDomainethat if your parents told you to “describe how you feel” or used words to express complex feelings, you can better communicate during adult romantic relationships.
“Styles of communication are often formed by observation and direct experience of our primary role models in childhood,” Bergen said.