This simple technique teaches kids — and their parents — to lead happier lives

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READ ON TO DISCOVER:

  • Why Joey Coleman has only gotten three tickets, after being pulled over 81 times
  • How to seek out experiences over things
  • Why the “three bites” rule fosters an experience mindset

Joey Coleman is an award-winning speaker and business consultant, and the author of the bestselling book Never Lose a Customer Again: Turn Any Sale into Lifelong Loyalty in 100 Days. Jordan Harbinger recently hosted him on The Jordan Harbinger Show to discuss the power of developing an experience mindset at any age.

This conversation has been edited and condensed. To listen to Joey and Jordan’s full conversation, click here.

Jordan: You say the word “experience” a lot—you go through life with an experience mindset. Do you think that makes you a happier, more fulfilled guy?

Joey: 100%. There’s a huge opportunity for people to have more happiness, more fulfillment, and more meaning in their life by seeking out experiences over things. There comes a point where you can only buy so many more pairs of shoes, or so many more cars. By seeking out experiences, it has led to a richer life, and more vivid memories. I’ve jumped off bridges into rushing rivers with Tony Robbins; I’ve had dinner in a tent next to the pyramids; I’ve done behind-the-scenes tours on stages with rock stars. All of these [experiences] have contributed to this life perspective that I have.

Jordan: How do we adopt this for ourselves? It sounds like the experience mindset could be seen as something that’s reserved for the privileged.

Joey: Not at all—I can understand how it might come off that way, but I think it’s all about perspective. It doesn’t have to be travel. It doesn’t have to be hanging out with celebrities, because frankly, hanging out with average folks on the street is just as exciting and eye-opening and perspective-building.

I might ask [my readers,] “What does your typical weekend look like?” A [common] response might be, “Oh well, I work really hard during the week so Saturday is a Netflix and chill day. Sunday I’ll maybe prepare some meals for the week ahead, or start getting anxious about work.” I’d encourage people to find a free fair or a festival or a flea market, or something that’s happening in your town that you normally wouldn’t go to. Commit to hang out for at least an hour—observe and experience it, see it and try it.

“There’s a huge opportunity for people to have more happiness, more fulfillment, and more meaning in their life by seeking out experiences over things.”

We’re trying to instill this type of mindset in our kids. We always say, “You don’t have to eat the whole thing, but you have to take three bites. Not one bite, three bites—because one bite is probably not enough to decide if you like it or not.” It’s all about trying things multiple times, in different ways, and seeking out experiences that will lead to that richer, more fulfilled life.

Jordan: How do we evaluate our experiences? I like the three bites as a metaphor, because if you take three bites [of a new experience], more often than not, we go, “Actually, this is not bad.”

Joey: In terms of evaluating your own experiences, I’d ask folks to think of the greatest experience you had in the last year—as a customer, in a relationship, something that randomly happened to you. Once you have that, ask yourself, “Why was it so great?” For me, a lot of times, I’ll look at an experience and say, “Wow, the reason I liked that was because it was different, it was unexpected, and it made me feel alive and engaged.” Then the question becomes, “How do I get more of that?” I need to put myself into circumstances that are unique, or different, or unexpected, and then be open to what happens. By doing these things, we’re able to develop more of an experience mindset and lead a more experience-based life.

“I need to put myself into circumstances that are unique, or different, or unexpected, and then be open to what happens.”

Jordan: Alright, I want to wrap with something that really shocked me when I heard this about you. You’ve been pulled over 81 times, but you’ve only gotten three tickets that you’ve had to pay. 81 times?

Joey: Yes, I’ve been pulled over 81 times. I’ll confess I have a little bit of a heavy foot at times, but I’ve also been pulled over for weird things like evading a police barricade, failure to heed a direct police command to stop, too many people in the car, etc. Six tickets have been written, and three of those stuck. I fought the other three in court and was able to get out of them.

Jordan: How are you getting out of those tickets?

Joey: I am very committed to being a student of human nature. Whether you believe it or not, the folks that work in law enforcement are human, too. I have a lot of respect for them—it’s a really, really difficult job. Pay attention to the emotional state of the officer on the side of the road, and what time of day it is. People are just people. We’ve got to meet them where they’re at. Nine times out of ten, if you’re willing to step into the other person’s shoes and try to see what their experience is like, it will help you show up in the interaction even better. Create a better experience for them, and that often leads to better outcomes for you. It’s complex to do in the moment, and be aware of your own positioning and messaging and emotions, but it’s also that easy.

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