How to find the answers you’re looking for

When I’m searching for solutions, the last thing I want to hear is:“Ah, but you have everything you need.” Not because they’re annoying. Not because the advice is trope-y. Not because it feels unhelpful. But mainly because they’re normally totally right. And I don’t want to hear it. Because it doesn’t FEEL like I have what I need.

Especially when what I think I need is answers…

Answers to where this is all going.
Answers to why it all happened.
Answers to what to do next.
Answers to if it will work out.
Answers to if I want it to.
Answers to what I’m feeling.
Answers to what to do now. Next.
Answers to if I did it right.
Answers to if I’m doing it wrong.
Answers to if any of this even matters.

We’re pretty conditioned to look elsewhere for whatever we’re searching for. To ask other people. How many times have you called a girlfriend and asked, “What do you think I should do?” I’ve personally made that call more times than I can count – searching mostly for the answer that I want to hear. The one I already know in my gut is the answer.

See…Often, we do in fact have our answers. What we need isn’t someone to tell us it’s so. It’s someone to come along and ask us the right question – the question that will get us to our own answer.

So if you’re looking for answers, stop searching outside of yourself. You have them. And until you realize that, look for the people who ask you the questions that lead you there. Rather than the people who tell you what you do (or don’t) want to hear.

And remember, there’s no right or wrong. There’s answers we learn from. Answers we grow from. And answers we’d never answer with again.

This article originally appeared on Maxie McCoy.

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