In any given day, thousands of words are coming out of our mouths. Most of what we say is probably totally true and on point. But so often, we shrug off the things that really matter. Because facing our feelings about something, or speaking those feelings, is just too much. It’s not something we feel like doing in the moment.
But in masking what’s really going on, we not only lie to ourselves, but we lose the ability to excavate our own understanding about the world around us. Little lies might just be little lies to ourselves, until they keep us from our own knowing. And we need that knowing, desperately, in order to take the right steps, in order to trust ourselves and our gut, and in order to make more magic rather than going with the status quo.
There are things that come out of my mouth all the time that I know are just lazy ways of brushing off what’s actually going on for me. But luckily, loving people who know me best will call me on that BS every time. And we’re all doing it. Like acting OK when we’re not. We’re accepting the situation because fighting it feels hard. We’re holding back our feels because of the floodgate it might cause. We’re telling ourselves little quips that other people seem to believe but that doesn’t actually do anything for expanding and navigating whatever is actually going on for us.
The next time you hear these, pause for a minute. Ask a follow-up question. Help someone get to their own truth. And the next time you spout off one of them, pause. Ask your own follow up questions. And figure out what’s actually going on for you.
It’s fine. But it’s actually not.
Follow up with … Is it really fine?
I’m doing great. But actually feeling like shit.
Follow up with … What’s really going on?
It all happens for a reason. But this one can’t possibly be reasoned.
Follow up with ... Would it be OK if there’s just no reason here?
It is what it is. But does it really have to be this?
Follow up with ... Is there a way you could take action for a different outcome?
I don’t know what to do. Yet. You will.
Follow up with ...What would you tell someone else to do?
I could care less. When you couldn’t care more.
Follow up with ...Why don’t you care? What would happen if you did?
I’m so lost. Trust me, you’re not.
Follow up with ... What’s giving you energy right now? Can you do something small about it?
It’ll never work out. How could you possibly know?
Follow up with ... But what if it did? What if it could? What would you be doing differently right now?
Questions get us to truth. Ask more of them, to yourself and to others. When we can break down the lies we can get to a place of living our truth confidently. We can be more of ourselves, of who we want to be, of who we are.