There’s a difference between getting older and growing up. I was once again reminded of this the last time I was on an airplane.

My wife and I recently took a trip to Alaska as we’re continuing our journey of trying to visit all of the National Parks within the U.S. We landed in Fairbanks and as we were de-planing, an older gentleman behind us took out his phone and made a call, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. What was different, however, was his explosive anger towards the attendant on the other end.

There in the bridgeway connecting the plane to the terminal, he started screaming and cursing, berating the listener for a myriad of reasons. This gentleman was likely in his late 40s or early 50s, but at that moment, as we exited the plane, I thought to myself, “he has the maturity of a twelve-year-old.”

There’s a difference between growing up and simply getting older. Here are a few ways you know if you’re becoming more mature the longer you live.

Sign #1: You aren’t as quick to envy other’s successes

“Let age, not envy, draw wrinkles on thy cheeks.” ~ Thomas Browne

If you want to know if you are maturing or just growing older, the number one way is to evaluate if and/or how much you are consistently envying those around you.

Envy is an almost unspoken characteristic of many of our relationships. In a society that is driven by success, happiness, and fulfillment, much of which is portrayed very publicly and shallowly, comparison is rampant and envy is everywhere. But this isn’t necessarily a new tension.

One could argue that the theme of the hit musical Hamilton is the danger of envy. There’s a chilling line in one of the final songs where the main antagonist, Aaron Burr, sings, “I should have known that the world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me.”

When you’re younger, everything can feel like it’s you against the world. This isolated view of importance drives people to compete and compare at every turn. However, as Burr finally realized, the world is a big place and it is totally possible for someone else to have success without threatening your life, opportunity, or ability for internal happiness.

If you are finding yourself envying others less and being more loving towards yourself, you’re on the path towards growing up.

Sign #2: You are more patient when it comes to getting what you desire

You may have heard it said that “vision has a short shelf-life.” It doesn’t tend to stay convincing for very long. This inherently creates tension because you’ve also heard it said that “Rome wasn’t built in a day.” No good vision happens overnight.

So where does that leave you? In a place of knowing that good things take time, which can be a relief in the long run. Maybe you’re not in the job that you love, yet. Maybe you thought you’d be married by now, or that you’d have a family. Maybe you thought you’d have more saved or more security or a nicer home, or a hundred other things.

You can feel all of this, as long as you also realize that just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it never will. A sign of growing up is that you realize that great things rarely happen overnight. Your job isn’t to rush something into existence. It’s to continue to cast a compelling vision for your life and your family that moves you towards where you want to be.

Sign #3: You more highly value the power of an encouraging word

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” –Mother Teresa

The more you grow up, the more you begin to realize the vast and near-infinite power of a positive, encouraging word.

Somehow, we’ve allowed our children to grow up singing this rhyme, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” This could not be further from the truth. Yes, though physical objects may indeed hurt or bruise our bones, a word wielded in negativity or a lie spoken into our hearts can cause wounds that last for years and decades. Let us never pretend that words are unable to hurt us.

In the book of Proverbs, we read that the “power of life and death are in the tongue.” If this is true, it is imperative that as we grow older, we also grow up in our understanding of what we say and how we speak.

If you’re looking to evaluate your level of maturity, look no further than how you speak to someone who can do nothing for you in return.

Sign #4: You are quicker to take rightful responsibility and say “I’m sorry.”

When my wife and I were first married, we had to work on our communication skills, especially around how we approached and engaged in conflict.

In those early years, we did some marriage counseling and I can remember being stunned in one of our sessions when our counselor looked at me and said, “Jake, I hear you, but I believe you’re saying sorry the wrong way.” I was clearly perplexed as he quickly went on to explain.

I was commonly using my apology to shift the responsibility of the conflict back on my wife. I would say things like, “I’m sorry IF I…” or “I’m sorry that YOU…” In both circumstances, I wasn’t owning my mistake. I was making conditions or calling out her involvement in the matter.

Learning to say “I’m sorry,” period is one of the ways you can know if you are maturing. No one likes to take responsibility for bad things, so your willingness to own that without shirking, shifting, or re-positioning blame is only possible when you’ve grown in humility, wisdom, and selflessness.

Sign #5: You can disagree with an offensive position without needing to go ‘on the offensive’

This last point deserves its own article as there is way too much to say about it in a paragraph or two. But the bottom line is that the man or woman who is constantly attacking is never content.

Most of us live in a culture where anyone at any time can brandish their opinions as a foregone truth. Not only that, but societally we have developed quite the appetite for cutting others down as we feel a gnawing need to enforce our opinions on those around us.

This often leads to way less convincing and way more criticizing. It begets a “fight fire with fire,” mentality, which as we’ve seen, ultimately leads to us watching the whole world burn.

If you want to know if you’re growing up and not just growing older, consider the next time someone offends you and see how quickly or how viciously you respond back in the offensive.

Be mature for your age

You’ve likely either heard the phrase, “she’s mature for her age.” Maybe you’ve said it about a friend, sibling, or younger person in your life. Maybe it’s been said about you.

It’s a good thing when your maturity outpaces your age. When you’re not only growing up but you’re also increasing in your virtues, such as wisdom, patience, or kindness.

As much as that growing up is to be desired, the societal evidence suggests that this maturing is not the case for every person. Sometimes, it’s the opposite, and like the man getting off our plane, we find ourselves “immature for our age.” These are examples where someone has grown older but failed to grow up.

Life isn’t just about getting older. Your age will rise inevitably and before you know it, you’ll be 30, or 40, or 75. If you stay healthy, you’ll automatically grow older. But what makes a life special, what makes it worth the hardship is the opportunity to not just grow older but to grow up. To find joy despite the difficulty. To find hope despite the unknown. To find love despite the brokenness.

So, yes, I hope for you that you are mature for your age. I hope that you value the ideals of growing up and becoming the best version of yourself. We all have room to grow, so let’s commit to not just growing older, but to becoming all that we were meant to be.

This article first appeared on Medium.