How will I know? By asking yourself this single question

Are we going in the right direction? Are we doing the right work? Are we with the right people? How will I know?

Photo by Emily Morter

But how will I know? We struggle with this question. We wrestle with the answers. We wonder what the doubt means. We ask if we’re in the right thing. If we did the right thing. If it’s supposed to feel like this. Are we going in the right direction? Are we doing the right work? Are we with the right people? How will I know?

Knowing isn’t as hard as it feels. It’s only hard when you’re looking outside yourself. Because the only person who can actually answer that is you. If you ask anyone else, you’ll get two different variations of relatively unhelpful (while well-intended) advice. Those you’re asking will tell you:

a) you’ll just know (and you might)

b) you’ll never know (and you might not)

Here’s the truth. You may know. Or you may never know. But this one, painfully simple question will help:

Is it costing you your power?

Is the job you’re working costing you your power? Is the person you love costing you your power? Is the friend you’re keeping around costing you your power? Is the choice you’re making costing you your power?

You might be wondering … how do I know if it’s costing me my power? Well, because your spirit is taking a hit. Because you don’t feel powerful. You can make compromises and still be powerful. You can make sacrifices and still be powerful. You can do things for others and still feel the might of your own power.

But when that power waivers so too does your spirit. So too does your light. So too does your strength. So too does your hope. So too does your belief.

Want to know what brings that power back, almost immediately? Asking the question. Owning the answer. And stepping, decisively, away from the situation that is costing you that power. That single choice while often not easy, not comfortable, and not fun in any way, will immediately bring your light back. And no matter what heartbreak you feel from the choice, your power returning is a sweet antidote to the pain. The pain summons the power. The power softens the pain. Oh, irony.

So if you want to know, how will I know? Well, you’ll know because if it’s supporting your power, expanding it, and encouraging that wildly powerful woman you are … then it’s right. You can settle in the knowing. If it’s costing you your power in order to be in it, you’ll also know … that it’s not right.