If you’ve ever been told that you’re not a good listener, never fear — here’s how to become one of the five ideal types of listeners. Yes, there are five.
Try to be more than one type of listener
Keep in mind that you shouldn’t aspire to be only one type of listener, as the best listeners can switch between listening styles in accordance with whatever the speaker’s needs are at that moment.
A quiet person can be loud, or a loud person can need to be coaxed into saying more – it just depends on the topic at hand, the emotions at play, and your ability to detect both.
1. Ethical listeners
The ethical listener is defined by a recent research study from the Journal of Communication Management as one that is “authentic, morally autonomous or open-minded,” and displays empathy to another’s struggles. The ethical listener believes that they have an obligation to aid those that they’re speaking to. To do so, they will attempt to be warm, but also measured in their response, so as not to escalate the speaker’s negative emotions.
The very same study notes that ethical listening is especially important in the workplace during times of crisis. To be an ethical listener, all one needs to do is have the other party’s best interest at heart, and to be mindful of their reactions.
Try not to get too excitable, frustrated, or overly emotive, as the other person may very well need a little quiet compassion to help level off their anxiety or frenetic energy.
2. Active listeners
Active listening might be the most commonly known form of listening, one that’s easily elevated to the ranks of a perfect listening style. In fact, a 2014 study notes that those who received active listening responses felt all-around more understood. But active listening is as situational as the rest of the listening methods on this list, and being an active listener for too long may irritate the other party.
Traditionally, active listening involves repeating someone else’s comments back to them in a thoughtful, receptive way that indicates that you’re attempting to understand what the other party is saying. Sometimes, executing this method of acknowledging what was said, digesting it, and repeating it back to them can make the speaker think about things in a different light.
However, not everyone actively listens in the right ways, and active listening is better for a gentler or quieter speaker who has trouble talking for long periods of time on their own. If someone is already a big talker, you’re more likely to lean towards the good kind of passive listening.
3. Passive listeners
In contrast to an active listener, someone a passive listener sits calmly, bearing witness to the speaker’s plight without responding or commenting. While some articles mention how this is a less desirable option to active listening, it’s about the person who’s talking and what their needs are, not about what might make the listener seem the most intelligent or interested.
Whether you’re dealing with a quiet person or a loud person, passive listening is best when the other party is highly emotional, talking about something intimate, or needs space to process something on their own.
While it might seem like someone is just using you to vent, more than likely, that’s something that they need to do in order to feel better; some people are verbal processors, and passive listening styles can allow them to more effectively problem-solve.
The worst version of passive listening is to zone out when someone is trying to speak to you. But the best version is to nod, make eye contact, and respond with facial expressions to the content of the speaker’s message in a way that lets you know that you’re listening without interjecting.
4. Evaluative listeners
Evaluative listening (also called “critical listening”) is a lesser-known form of listening that involves making value-based or morals-based judgments about what the other person is saying. Think of evaluative listeners as good debaters, or a more philosophically minded listener who is more willing to engage in a discourse. This style of listening often goes hand-in-hand with critical thinking.
While this type of listening isn’t always for everyday use, unless you’re someone like a lawyer, it’s always best to keep on the backburner in case of an important meeting or conversation around a pivot point. Evaluative listening is for more heavy-duty discussions, and ultimately works best when one is attempting to confront speakers who might be making an unethical decision like cutting corners or attempting to persuade you of an argument that doesn’t make much logical sense.
5. Comprehensive listeners
Finally, comprehensive listeners are like a passive version of the evaluative listener. Rather than looking at the structure, form, and content of the argument and then poking holes in it, like an evaluative listener, comprehensive listening scales back to examine ideas and messages that the speaker is trying to get across. They do this without contradicting an argument, or subverting it, but simply by listening and politely asking clarifying questions along the way.
A comprehensive listener, much like a passive listener, takes in the entire conversation thoughtfully and tries to think about what themes or motifs emerge. These can be emotional, as in an emotion that the speaker hasn’t yet identified within themselves. It can also be intellectual, like an argument that the speaker hasn’t yet completely formulated on their own.
These are the type of listeners who, at the end of the conversation, tell you, “it sounds like this is what you’re trying to say…” and for the most part, they’re spot on. As it turns out, it’s easier to become this type of listener than you might think – all you need to do is be curious, thematically oriented, and easygoing.
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